nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
