Soap is not a condiment
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
