Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When are your genitals available?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
