foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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