Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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