my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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