i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
