Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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