I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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