Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I need moral support for this bender
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
