trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vodka?
Forever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
