a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
