Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
