see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
