My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
