Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
