Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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