i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
