why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My feet surprised me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
