I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
