i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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