i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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