remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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