So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
