I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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