Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
