Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
