My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
