is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
