Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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