We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
