I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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