I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
