i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
soo... how was my night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
