I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
