I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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