so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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