you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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