I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i would punch a child for taco bell
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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