So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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