threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have fence marks all over my body
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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