he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
