She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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