i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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