I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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