yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize