This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
