so that wasnt chicken after all
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
