Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
