we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
