We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
