I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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